Why is it so hard to take the leap into sharing finances?
Dear Cheryl&Mack,
My partner and I have been together for a while, and we’re starting to talk about merging our finances.
Everyone makes it sound like a natural next step, but honestly, I’m terrified.
What if we fight about money?
What if we don’t see eye to eye on spending?
What if something goes wrong?
I want to do this, but I don’t know how to get past the fear. Help!
— Financially Freaked Out
Dear Financially Freaked Out,
Oh, trust me—you are not alone in this.
Sharing finances is one of the biggest (and most stressful) transitions in any relationship, but somehow, no one really talks about how hard it actually is.
We talk about love, trust, and communication, but money?
That’s still a little taboo. And yet, money touches everything—security, freedom, even self-worth—so of course taking this step feels overwhelming.
Even as a financial advisor (with a financial planner for a mom!), I know firsthand that understanding money doesn’t make sharing it any less daunting.
It’s not just about numbers; it’s about emotions, expectations, and learning to work as a team in a way that feels fair to both of you.
Because money isn’t just money—it’s history, habits, and sometimes, deep-seated fears. Maybe you were raised in a household where money was a constant source of stress
Maybe you’ve worked hard to be financially independent and worry about losing that autonomy.
Maybe you and your partner just have very different spending styles.
Whatever the case, merging finances forces you to confront not just your relationship with money but theirs, too.
And then there are the dreaded “what ifs”:
What if one of us starts resenting the other?
What if one of us earns more, and it creates an imbalance?
What if we break up? Then what?
It’s totally normal to have these worries.
The key is not to let them stop you from having important conversations before making any major financial moves.
If you’re feeling hesitant, that’s a good thing! It means you’re taking this seriously, and that’s the best place to start.
Here are a few ways to make the transition smoother:
Start Small – You don’t have to merge everything all at once. Try opening a shared account just for joint expenses while keeping your personal accounts separate.
Lay It All Out – Have an open and honest conversation about income, debt, spending habits, savings goals—everything. The more transparent you both are, the fewer surprises (or resentments) down the road.
Find a System That Works for You – Some couples merge finances completely; others keep everything separate and split expenses. There’s no “right” way—just what makes both of you feel comfortable and secure.
Set Clear Boundaries – Will you both have personal spending money? How will big purchases be decided? Talking about these things before they become issues can save you a lot of headaches.
Revisit and Adjust as Needed – Life changes, and so will your financial situation. Schedule regular check-ins to make sure your system is still working for both of you.
Sharing finances isn’t easy, and being nervous about it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship.
It just means you’re human.
What matters most is that you and your partner approach this as a team—communicating openly, making decisions together, and creating a system that makes both of you feel secure.
So, take a deep breath.
This isn’t about giving up financial independence—it’s about building something together.
And if you’re still debating whether to open that joint account? Just know that whatever you decide, you’re not alone.
- Cheryl and Mackenzie